I was speaking with a girlfriend a little while back about how mortifying “that stage” of actually almost being able to converse in a new language can actually be.
And by *that stage” I mean that blind leap off the cliff ledge into the void of “Wow. Okay…. so now I’ve really going to look like a complete bumbling idiot”
That metaphorical cliff?
That cliff ledge, up until then, was safe and easy.
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I mean, that cliff ledge kept my brain ( and my high school Japanese teacher) so happy and impressed! That cliff was where I could perfectly ramble off a flawless and deeply profound sentence such as: “My sister plays soccer on Tuesdays” or even “It may rain after lunch” *insert hair flip and just a slightly increased vocal volume – you know, just so the people in the back don’t miss a chance to hear just how bilingual I am.
I don’t know what it’s like to start actually conversing in other languages in other countries because , as much as everything I’ve said so far sounds like a complete humble brag, Japanese is the only language* I’ve ever intentionally attempted to add to my language list. I’ve been literally trying to speak Japanese since I was 12 and make embarrassing mistakes every single day (my English grammar isn’t that crash hot either, come to think of it…)
*Hold the phone, that’s not completely true. I made a very sad attempt at 6 months of Spanish at Uni . I tortured my poor teacher by attempting to read aloud all my sentences with this weird Japanese accent. Actually, a cute but snooty older student in my class was sweet enough to point out that my Spanish role play assessment task reminded him of a bad impression of Zorro played by the Monkey Magic dub actors. So…. that is where I signed off on the Romance languages and went running back to the comfort of my kanji textbook.
But in Japan, most people are SOOOOOOOOO kind to beginner level language speakers. (This is actually why I believe that many people chose to stay on that little cliff – even after many years in Japan. It’s pretty cushy – I get it. It’s a lot less vulnerable.). If you’ve lived in Japan you know exactly what I mean. The praise for giving Japanese a go is so beautiful and so encouraging. It’s over the top, pat on the back, raise you up, gold star applause kind of deal when all you did was simply excuse yourself for squeezing past someone on the subway.
And that’s so kind but it’s also a lot to live up to, man. Especially in a social setting – like a group of colleagues or new friends gathered around a table.
Example: One generous person introduces you to everyone ” Everyone, this is Jo. Her Japanese is so good!” and you do the polite “oh no, no, no” shrug-it-off like you’re supposed to do – but then you’ve used those 5 phrases that role off the tongue at every initial encounter and then you’re left there with ….sweet nothing…
“Hmmm…should I just start my 5 phrases again? I mean, they really got a kick out of them that first time ’round…. ” (Do you remember that scene in Mrs Doubtfire where he pretends to be the job applicants on the phone and fakes not being able to speak English so responds to every question with ” I…am … job..?” – well that was me except I just kept repeating “I arrived in Japan 8 months ago. I like it very much” over and over and over until the person next to me excused themselves for a bathroom trip and then returned to a different seat around the table….)
I talk about it a little in my post about Conversational Japanese but nothing is more humbling than having to start vocalizing your actual opinions on the world around you with the awareness that you have the vocab and finesse of a 6 year old. Even now when I find myself attempting to delve into a topic outside of my familiar vocab repertoire I still feel like someone has handed me a large pot of alphabet soup but instead of letters its my accumulated Japanese phrase collection just bobbing up and down between the peas and carrot cubes. And sometimes I pull out a random phrase that’s unrelated and awkwardly try to rework it ( ” I know you’re currently discussing Trump’s lack of response in a global pandemic …but how about all that climate change, right? ) and sometimes that alphabet soup phrase that I really need is such a slippery little sucker that its just impossible to grab at the right now and my perfect conversation gap, made just for me, has passed me by and it’s all over.
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