I’m asked so many questions about eating in restaurants and in ryokans and hotels in Japan.
I thought I would address my standard answers here and I hope it eases your mind if it’s your first time in Japan.
Is it rude to ask for a fork when at a restaurant in Japan?
Absolutely not.
In touristy spots or in the countryside, some restaurants may actually offer a fork – even if you don’t want one!
Would it be weird to bring your own fork? My opinion – yep, it kind of would. No need to be packing any cutlery unless you’re camping or having a picnic in the park.
The only kind of restaurant that it would be really strange to ask for a fork is when eating sushi (particularly high end sushi where you’re being served at the counter – in this instance you can ask the chef how to eat certain dishes – Japanese people do this all the time as some spots recommend eating certain sushi options with your hands and some with chopsticks.)
See here if you are looking for kid-friendly omakase sushi options in Tokyo.
Is it rude to not finish my meal in a restaurant in Japan?
A surprising amount of people ask me this question. Some people don’t want to offend – especially if they have a gastric band or have had bariatric surgery.
My answer? No. In a restaurant you are a customer. You can leave behind whatever you like.
If you felt the need to explain you can say Onaka ga ippai desu. Gochisousama deshita (I’m full. That was delicious meal/ that was a feast.)
If you are in the middle of a multi course meal and wanted to politely leave one particular dish you can say Gomennasai ***insert food or say kore which equals “this” wa chotto nigatte na mono de… (I’m so sorry. I not great with ….*insert food* – also translates to “*insert food* isn’t really to my liking….)
However, it is a little bit less polite to not eat (or at least have a good try of) food cooked for you by a friend or if you are eating in their home. However, no more “rude” than in any other country in the world in a similar scenario. To avoid awkward scenarios it’s best to tell your hosts your dislikes ahead of time and if you have a small appetite etc. – because it is, of course, not very polite or kind if you announce that you are starving but then pick at your plate.
If you are a bit of a picky eater I would get super specific when someone asks you what you want to eat. For example – don’t go saying “traditional Japanese food” … get detailed! Say “vegetable tempura” “we love chicken!” “gyoza or yakisoba!”
Here are all of my detailed tips for picky eaters in Japan.
So the only time I think it is actually really frowned upon when not finishing food in Japan is at buffets and all-you-can-eat places.
Unfortunately, us foreigners have an embarrassingly bad reputation when it comes to taking more than we can manage. For this reason, lots of buffets will have signs reminding diners to only take small portions at a time so as not to waste food. Most izakaya in Japan and some other restaurants offer tabehoudai (all you can eat courses for a set amount of time) – it’s so much fun and so fab. The idea is that you still order a few dishes for the table and once they’ve been devoured, you order more.
Is it true that Japanese people are offended if I DON’T slurp my ramen?
Not true.
You can if you want to but you also don’t have to. Some of my Japanese friends slurp their ramen. Others don’t. I don’t (I just can’t bring myself to do it – but I know other foreign friends that love to give it a go.) You might be surprised to see that some Japanese people also apply the noodle slurping rule to spaghetti. If you wanted to try that too -you can give it a go while in Japan too if you wanted to, I guess (not a good idea in fancy Italian restaurant though.)
Is it true that Japanese people burp to show appreciation for a good meal?
No. That is bad manners in Japan. I think it’s a think in some other asian countries but definitely not Japan.
Is it rude to ask for a customized menu in a restaurant in Japan?
It’s not so much about being rude as much as it is about this not really being an option in Japan or a “done thing” in Japan. If you really like to design all elements of your meal in Japan, then I recommend
-salad bowl restaurants like Green Brothers or Subway where you spell out each ingredient
–Cocoichi Japanese curry house– here you can ask for the type of curry, the level of spicyness, the veg or protein served on top etc.
-restaurants where you cook at the table like okonomiyaki restaurants where you can control everything that goes into the meal (here is how to order a vegetarian version of okonomiyaki)
-teppanyaki where the chef cooks the meal in front of you (mind you, teppanyaki in Japan is a high end option and it would be a bit weird to ask them to omit more than 1-2 ingredients (without asking ahead of time, at least.)
-some omurice restaurants (omurice = omelette over rice dish) often have large menus where you can customize a lot of the meal – with the exception of pre-made fried rice ingredients and some condiments within the dishes that are a non-negotiable
-shabu shabu and sukiyaki restaurants where you cook at the table also allow you to choose what goes into the pot (for example, Nabezo or Momo Paradise in Shinjuku)
But, at a standard, eating at a restaurant means that the meal has been carefully crafted by the chef. So the whole American thing of “can you change the beef to chicken and switch the egg for cheese” isn’t the done thing in Japan.
If you have strong dislikes or allergies please read my tips here.
If you have specific dietary requirements while in Japan then I recommend reading my tips here.
If you are a picky eater see my tips here.
My friendly advice: If you do want to try Japanese meals but aren’t sure what you’ll like – try the new meals at lunchtime. Lunch in many places is teishoku style and lots of little items are on one plate/tray. Lunch is also often 4-5 times cheaper than the price of eating at the same restaurant for dinner too.
Should I worry about my baby making a mess while eating in a restaurant?
If you are at a restaurant with high chairs then no.
BUT you must tidy up as you go and after your baby. Even the most casual or restaurants in Japan feel more formal than many more casual restaurants overseas. If the restaurant has a high chair then let baby eat pretty much like at a restaurant at home. But pick up food when it falls and bring baby wipes etc with you. It’s not the job of the restaurant to go searching for little bits of chicken or corn kernels etc.
For more flexibility and less pressure and you really can’t avoid much mess , you can choose restaurants with booth seating (so you have your own little “nook”) or a restaurant with a private room with a sliding door – then you don’t have to tidy up immediately – just before you leave.
I talk about this in my “What not to pack when visiting Japan with kids” blog post:
“Side note: sorry but if you are doing baby-led weaning – please don’t do this in a restaurant in Japan. It’s not the done thing and isn’t considered to be very polite to other diners or restaurant staff. I did baby led weaning with all the options on the table top for baby etc in Tokyo -but spoon fed when we were out at restaurants in Japan. While we travelled I often fed my babies in an empty hotel bath so that they could make as much mess as they needed! “
One way around this if you want to eat in a fancier restaurant that does allow a baby – is to feed baby/toddler first an early dinner at your hotel and then give baby the less messy food to chew on while you’re in the restaurant (eg. soups and other wet dishes that you can spoon into baby’s mouth or a piece of bread from the table to chew on etc.)
See in my article here what we also like to bring for “restaurant toys” when we dine out with kids.
See here for foods you can buy at the convenience stores that are healthy and make for excellent baby led weaning foods for meals back in your hotel.
Does it matter which order I eat a plate / platter of traditional Japanese food in a restaurant?
Short answer: No.
However, if you were to read an etiquette book on Japanese dining for Japanese people the “manual” would read :
1) soup first
2) use chopsticks to then eat the veg and protein let in the soup bowl
3) rice, then main dish, then side veg or pickled veg
(the general idea is meant to be that you start with the lighter flavours first)
BUT my Japanese friends mostly don’t abide by this too strictly so I say you just eat it in the order you want. You can also have a bit of one item, a bite of another and go back and forth.
Mixing and mashing up food isn’t really the done thing (might get you some funny looks but no-one is going to jail or anything) so I would avoid that if you can.
Is it rude to use the oshibori (hot or cold towel provided when you sit down at a restaurant in Japan) to wipe down your face?
This is an interesting one as it depends who you ask- there isn’t a set rule.
My opinion based on conversations with friends and my experiences in restaurants over the years (for casual or corporate dining) is… no. If someone else at the table (who is more senior at work or is older than you) is doing it then… if you want to.. join on in?!
Blowing your nose with it or spitting a food into it? Unless it’s an emergency and there isn’t an option? Hard no.
Is it rude to fight over the cheque at a restaurant in Japan?
No.
In fact, even if you didn’t intend to pay at all its kind of polite to ask if you can pay your portion as the bill comes (exception : you’re at a business dinner with someone significantly more senior or if you’re on a date – it could embarrass that person to insist and insist in front of the restaurant staff . You could always say Hontou ni ii desu ka? Are you really sure?/ You really don’t mind?)
If you want to make sure you pay for a meal for yourself and the other diners at your table, the best way to pay is to excuse yourself and go to the bathroom towards the end of the meal and pay before you return to the table. This is a super smooth and classy way to do this.
Warning: Japanese people love the reciprocity game so they may be later sending you or gifting you a present!
Is it rude to split the cheque for the meal down the middle?
If the meal is a casual meal between friends of colleagues then no, not weird at all.
This is always less awkward if you carry some cash but even easier if you can ask the staff at the restaurant if it is ok go pay betsu betsu (separately.)
Is it rude to share food in a restaurant in Japan?
No … and yes.
It depends on the type of restaurant. If you go to pretty much izakaya in Japan, you are set up perfectly for sharing whether you want to or not really. The idea is that every one orders a few small dishes to share and then, as you go, you order more dishes (the same again or different, depending on what you like.) Sharing is the way you dine at an izakaya.
However it would be a bit impolite to share a meal in the kind of place that is one plate /bowl per person. For example a ramen shop, a place that serves steak on rice, a place that serves tendon etc. I guess as a general rule – if you’re only ordering one meal – you are taking up two seats for the meal of one person. It’s not very good manners. One way around this is to order one dish per person and then share. For example. one person orders ramen and the other gets gyoza.
I know there will be people who say “but what about if I’m eating out with a small child?” – then, I believe the polite thing to do is still order 2-3 dishes for 2 people – even if they are all for the adult at the table – I see it as “paying my way” for my child taking up that seat. I even do this when I’m at a family restaurant like “Royal Host” as I think it’s not great manners to order just one plate for a table with two seated patrons. Side dishes are also quite affordable in Japan so putting a few items on the table isn’t a whole lot of extra money – and can help you try out a few more things or get different vitamins in your meal.
Is it rude not to eat the Otoshi (complimentary appetizer) in a Japanese restaurant?
Not at all.
An otoshi is a complimentary tiny starter. It changes often depending on the seasonal ingredients.
Well, it is “complimentary” but usually means your izakaya has a service charge per person for a few hundred yen (not enough to stop you visiting the restaurant or anything and I explain which restaurants have table or service charges in my area guides). So, in a way, the otoshi is a thank you for that small service charge at the end.
It’s usually super small – often served in a dish a little larger than an eggcup.
No you don’t have to eat it. It would be kind of rude to dismiss it so just keep it at the table and just set it to the side if you don’t plan on eating it.
Full disclosure – I hardly ever eat the otoshi.
Is it ok to ask a chef or wait staff “how do I eat this?” in Japan?
Absolutely!
In fact, to ask and act with curiosity is something valued highly. It shows that you are a “ki wo tsukao” person (in this instance, this translates to someone who is courteous and mindful of others and different ways of doing things.)
Ask and ask! Have a little giggle at yourself while asking and while having a go.
Polite Japanese ask questions like this all the time – “Is it ok to eat this with my hands?” “Should I eat this part first?” It shows that you want to eat the dish in the way it was created and intended to be eaten. Same goes for anything actually – for example: “Should I take my shoes off here?” “Do I pay the cheque at the table or the register?”
Japanese people are so kind and also really love thoughtful people who take the time to ask.
When we eat out with kids in Japan, can we give them colouring activities and ipads in the restaurant?
We have always always brought little games, stickers and colouring activities to restaurants with kids. As I mention a lot on my blog, not every restaurant in Japan is kid-friendly – which is why I have area guides that mention our favourite kid-friendly restaurants. For example: Shibuya with kids 0r Roppongi with kids. The only places we don’t do this are ramen spots and higher end kid-friendly sushi spots. The reason? The counters are small – no space for food and colouring (and ramen spots come with spill risks as it is so we try to keep it as simple as possible.)
We try and avoid ipads at restaurants – especially at night as I don’t want to ruin the restaurant vibes (especially if it’s a fancy kind of place etc – if it’s Dennys or Royal Host of course – all bets are off.) I do try and avoid the ipad though – I feel like it’s not done much in Japan (I’d rather hand over my phone if I really needed to – as it’s less conspicuous.)
If we do bring ipads, it’s easiest if it’s in a restaurant with a booth or a private booth room in an izakaya etc. That way I feel like we are kind of “enclosed” as a family and won’t be disturbing others.
Oh and if you do bring an ipad to a restaurant – headphones are a must must must.
