I am the first person to recommend trying out local Japanese traditions but Japanese Valentine’s Day …is not exactly my cup of tea…
If the Valentine’s scrooge’s in Western countries say that it is a holiday purely invented by the greeting card companies…well… if they then came to Japan and tried to apply this theory? They would be oh so wrong.
Coz you see … in the Japan, the brains behind the V-day marketing team here…well they clearly they have all of their money invested heavily in chocolate.
Because it is all about the chocolate.
So..hmmm these clever chocolate people…split Valentine’s Day into TWO days!
Two days sounds amazing, yes?!…
…..But the thing is.. Valentines Day and the LOVE bit has got mixed up along the way…. and the love bit is mostly out the window, man. )
Valentines Day. Day 1 of 2.
So.. the first day of the two days is February 14th and women are supposed to give chocolates or cookies (mainly chocolates) to men.
But not just their love interests. To their male colleagues, friends, family members (if they want to), classmates etc.
This tradition has always sat with me a bit …on the icky side.. but now that I’m used to it … but once you get the Western notion of Valentines Day out of your brain for a moment… it’s probably only as creepy as people who make cookies for their work team at Christmas time, for example, I guess.
The chocolate is meant to be a sign of gratitude. Not love.
To give chocolate to someone you are not in love with is to give them ‘giri-choco‘ = obligation chocolate (which is hilarious to me because the word Mother-in-law is ‘giri-haha‘ = obligation mother…) but , as much as most Japanese women will quietly admit that they must give out the ‘giri-choco’ it’s also being kind to make sure everyone gets the same thing in their office, for example – regardless of whether or not they are your work bestie or that weirdo in the corner.
The bit that I do think is complete nonsense is that the chocolates are often made more of a fuss of it they are ‘handmade.’ (Up until 10 years ago, it was supposed to be that you hand make the chocolates for your special someone and just distribute the giri-choco to the other male colleagues and mates etc… but now .. it’s reached a new level of expectation … and it’s pretty weird, if you ask me.
(If you’ve scrolled through my blog you’ll know that I’m the crafty, arty, Pinterest type that I’m calling BS on that part…. I mean… when you ‘make’ chocolate… you’re really just melting down other chocolate and then cooling it down in a new shape… no? (also, on White Day, which I’ll talk about in a second… I don’t ever hear of the guys melting down chocolate for anyone…grrrr)
But if you do decide to participate in the melting down hand making choccie extravaganza, then you just need to go into any 100 yen shop around the Valentine season ( so… basically … and time after 3pm on Christmas Day….) and you will see adorable little wrappers and bags and ribbons etc. It does make it quite easy and inexpensive to put it all together and make it look cute.
So if you’re keen to join in, the ‘norm’ is usually little round or heart shaped chocolates in little foil cupcake-style wrappers and the chocolates are usually only a little bigger than a 500 yen coin.
Decorate with sprinkles or choc chips etc (also available at the 100 yen store.)
Then, 4-6 of them go in a little clear bag and are tied with a colourful bread-tie or a ribbon.
There is no need to put names or cards on each bag of chocolate (actually that would be considered a bit too personal.)
So, you’re wondering… did I ever do the chocolate thing?
Sure did!
I spent many, many years working for Japanese companies and I did play along but I think that’s because:
a) I was dying to fit in, be culturally appropriate, do the ‘right thing’, not stick out more than I already did
b) I was in my 20s and often the only non-Japanese person in sight
c) I didn’t know anyone who actually wasn’t following suit
d) I didn’t work for an international organization
d) I also really love chocolate (the ‘one for you, two for me’ vibe is strong with me)
Can you buy the chocolate instead of making it?
Yes. But the presentation is important. You can’t just leave a candy bar on someone’s desk.
Just like I talk about in my ‘Surviving a Japanese bake sale or picnic’ post here, presentation seems to be sooo much more important than the deliciousness of the chocolate.
Does my boss need more chocolate or better chocolate?
Technically… yes. (It’s wanky, I know, right?) But if he’s a horrible boss – get him that kind with the raisins in it or that non-dairy kind. That’ll teach him.
Isn’t this day a total pain in the butt for women then?
Hell to the yes. Its old fashioned and I can only imagine just how much “fun” this annual tradition must be for busy women, let along for working mothers!
Slowly some things have changed though. Some more progressive companies have made a ‘no giri-choco‘ rule. Brilliant.
Other high end chocolate companies have become more clever with their marketing too. For example, a few years again, Guerlian made their Valentines Campaign along the lines of ‘Buy this chocolate for your special someone, not for everyone.’
Things that don’t translate well on Japanese Valentines Day (not coz they are offensive or anything.. they just don’t carry the same meaning…)
– Saying ‘Happy Valentines Day!’ – it’s not a ‘thing’ here.
– Cards and letters (even little children in school might give one another candy but not the little ‘will you be my valentine?’ style cards.)
Do you have to participate in this giri-choco stuff at work?
Absolutely not.
In fact, if you’re not Japanese it’s even easier because you can just simply say that this isn’t a thing where I’m from. Or you could even be more blunt and say that Valentine’s Day for you means gifts for those you love (that’s a pretty smooth way out, right?)
How can a male human being in an office be grateful and not a douche about the Valentines Japanese thingy? (inspired by douche-y douches of Valentines past…)
You could try and introduce a no-giri choco rule in your office and say you’d prefer female colleagues just get some rest the night before Valentines Day instead.
You can say thank you and appreciate the time that this poor woman has put aside to make or gift wrap this chocolate for you.
You can not say douche-y things like ‘oh I’ve been looking forward to receiving your chocolates most of all.’
You can avoid misinterpreting a chocolate gift as ‘ please invite me out on a date’ or ‘ please comment on my appearance.’
You can not be a totally ungrateful goose and compare the chocolates you are given – whether that be bragging about the quantity received or god-forbid, rate the chocolate on a scale of deliciousness ( ew.)
You cannot give away or trade with others. Thats nasty to the person who prepared them for you, buddy ( wait til you get home to do that, at least.)
If you’re not from Japan – or don’t simply want to ‘play the game’ exactly – bring a big basket of chocolates along yourself (and put them in the break room or in a communal area for sharing.) Be that guy. Everyone likes that guy.
So what are you meant to do for the guy that you actually like then?
So.. if giri-choco is obligatory chocolate…then the opposite is honmei-choco = true feeling chocolate.
But it is also now quiet common to also ( or instead of) give a more western valentines gift such as a wallet or cufflinks etc. all beautiful gift wrapped at a department store.
Chocolate is best if you’re a new couple though or if you’re using V-day to tell someone you like them …. ( I think I saw someone do that in a Japanese tv drama once, at least.)
Valentines Day. Day 2 of 2.
Okay… so the day when the ladies are meant to get their time in the chocolate sun is exactly one month later on March 14th.
This day is referred to as ‘White Day.’
This is when the guys are supposed to return the favour ( and, mostly, the good ones do. )
How to not be nasty when receiving White Day chocolates?
You can say thank you and accept (even if they guy is a bit gross. You can chuck it later if you want to.)
You can avoid misinterpreting a chocolate gift as ‘ please invite me out on a date’ unless they are being extra gross about it. You don’t owe them anything. Just say thank you and your part is done. More than done.
Don’t be a goose and compare the chocolates you are given – whether that be bragging about the quantity received or god-forbid, rate the chocolate on a scale of deliciousness ( ew.)
You cannot give away or trade with others. Thats nasty to the person who prepared them for you, ok? ( wait til you get home to do that, at least.)
Apart from the chocolate making, wrapping , gifting hoopla , what are some really fun things to do on Valentine’s Day in Japan?
Personally, I always think that a totally out there ‘oh my god, I’m in Japan!’ date is an awesome idea (see my suggestions here.)
I also love a slow, romantic lunch (these are my favourite kid-free lunch spots in Tokyo that, I think, are particularly special. )
For a day spa, I LOVE going to Oiso for the outdoor pool with a view of the ocean and a spa treatment (details here.)
For a one night getaway, this is my FAVOURITE out of Tokyo hotel (details here.)
One final idea is to check out what some of the major hotels have going on around Valentine’s Day. Often they run a very swanky high tea based all around chocolate and champagne.
